Blog Post # 22 Putting Away Christmas

At this time of year, almost every single culture celebrates.  Some celebrate the birth of a savior.  Some celebrate the anniversary of a war or seige.  Some celebrate the defeat of the darkness.  In the American culture, we celebrate, but many people don’t understand what we’re celebrating.

In America, we celebrate tradition.  We celebrate values.  We celebrate those icons that we believe made our country great, what it stands for.  We celebrate Family and Sharing; we celebrate Work Ethic; we celebrate Love and Joy.  We express that celebration through joy and good will.  We share our success.  We share our bounty.  We share our wealth.  We share our homes.  We share our food. We share the core that is our humanity.

We celebrate The Day.

It doesn’t really matter too much what The Day stands for.  It can mean anything that an individual wants it to mean.  Even The Grinch made it stand for something.  It’s what we believe that matters.  The celebration lasts through the final weeks of December and into the first week of January.  Then, as a culture we put it away into boxes.  We ignore the decorations, the lights, the colors, the feelings until the next Thanksgiving rolls around.  Then we start looking for the Spirit that left us last year, hoping that we will find it again this year.

I used to own a two foot fake Christmas tree that had fiber optic lights that changed colors and intensity by a preset pattern.  It was beautiful and I loved that tree.  It was one of the first fiber optic trees on the market and the moment I saw it I knew that I had to have it.  It was exorbitantly expensive but it didn’t matter to me.  The lights, the color, the movement all made the tree seem like a living being that enhanced my enjoyment of the season.

As the years passed, I got different trees, and my little two foot tree got moved aside.  I never ignored it or despised it, but it seldom got used like it did during the first few years of its life.  Finally, I brought it into my office for my staff to enjoy.  The second year that I brought it in and decorated it, when it came time to put it away, I was busy and couldn’t be bothered.  It sat in a corner of my office, unplugged, but still decorated.  Every time I looked at it I felt guilty that I hadn’t taken care of it.  But over time, it became familiar, and I actually liked seeing it there every morning when I came in.

One day, in June, another manager I worked with closely was sitting in my office as we discussed a change in our policy and looked over at the tree.  It still had the decorations on it, but it was dusty and jammed into a small corner next to my credenza.  Matt looked over at it and asked why it was still sitting there.

“You know,” I said, “Every year we enjoy Christmas to the hilt.  We love the colors, the lights, the presents, the food, the whole spirit.  Then it’s over.  We put it away in boxes in the attic or the basement or the closet.  And usually around July we moan about the spirit of Christmas and why can’t it last the whole year.  But we’re the one’s who put it in boxes and put it away to be forgotten.  So I decided to leave it up where it can remind me every day to keep the spirit of Christmas.”

He looked at me for a moment, then said, “I think that’s great.”

So I said, “Or else, I’m just too lazy to put it away.  Take your pick.”

He gave a huge belly laugh (he had a flat stomach so that took some doing) and we both laughed for several minutes.

“You’ve just made my entire year.”  He said. 

So this year, when you’re putting away all the symbols and signs of the season that made you feel the best, think for a moment on what it is you’re trying to put away, and ask yourself “Is this the right thing to be doing?”

I no longer have that tree.  It gave up the ghost a few years ago.  I have a seven foot fiber optic tree that sits in its corner and illuminates the room and the night.  It stands there from Thanksgiving until mid-January.  Reluctantly, I take the ornaments off and put them away and feel regret with each bulb that gets put into a plastic box.  Every inch of garland that gets rolled up  becomes a recrimination.  How in the heck can I be putting away the things that remind me of the best part of the year, the best part of humanity?

So I listen to my Christmas playlists during the summer.  I buy Christmas presents all year long when they're on sale.  I plant the feasts weeks in advance.  I look forward to the dark part of the year that allows me to share the best part of the year, the best part of myself, with everyone.

Enjoy Chirstmas.  Enjoy Yuletide.  Enjoy Chanukah.  Enjoy Kwanzah.  Enjoy Whatever it is that you are celebrating at this time of year.  But enjoy it all year long.  Don't put it away; don't forget it.  Enjoy it.  And let others enjoy it through you all year long.

Post # 21 It’s That Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

In my part of the country (USA), it’s starting to get colder.  Today, even though I was inside mostly the whole day, my feet were cold.  I just don’t feel warm overall if my feet are cold.  I sat on the couch with my feet tucked under me and one of the dogs cuddled up next to me, and even though I was warm, I felt cold.  It’s going to get warmer soon, because this cold spell is just that:  a cold spell.  That means it won’t last.  It’s going to get warmer again, for a little while, before winter sets in.  Where I used to live is expecting a snow storm.  Not a huge one, nothing like what happened a couple of years ago that kept us trapped in the house without electricity for three days, huddling on the couch with the dogs underneath a pile of blankets with us to share body heat to survive.  But an early snow nonetheless.  And I’m glad that we’re a little further south.  No snow this weekend, no winter weather of any kind, and no having to deal with weather extremes.

But this weather does send me back to the books.  It makes me review the kinds of skills that I know intellectually, and have tried once or twice in practice, but have never really mastered.  How do you make soap?  Homemade candles are wonderful, but are they enough?  Can I feed my family if the power goes out?  Fire is a necessary thing.  In one form or another, fire is the basis of life, unless you like steak tartare, and don’t even get me started on that cuz I have a story that will make you laugh till your sides ache.

More than all that, though, this kind of weather makes me think about what’s ahead.  It’s a primal, gut reaction to the next part of the cycle.  Our ancestors felt it, and we still feel it, regardless of where we live.  When the weather changes, we prepare for it, in one way or another.  Some people prepare for it by gearing up for the holidays to come.  Some people prepare for it by setting in food for the winter.  Some people prepare for it by visiting warmer climates, or making plans to visit warmer climates.

This time of year actually started several months ago at the summer solstice in June.  The days started growing shorter by a few seconds a day.  The dark part of the day, and of the year increased unnoticeably but inexorably as each day passed.  The ancients knew this, but modern man seems to have lost that gut feeling.  Halloween marks that passage into the actual dark part of the year for most people.  Once that holiday passes, everything that comes tends to make people “gather together”.  All the celebrations focus on the inner community.  And I think that’s a wonderful thing.

Halloween sends us out into the community for the last time, to rejoice in playfulness, to experience closeness with our neighbors, to share the bounty of candy or good will.  It’s the last time, for a long time, that we will be able to go out and leave our houses with the same carefree joyfulness and thoughtlessness that we did during the warmer part of the year.  It marks the beginning of the time when introspection starts.  We rejoice in the closeness of family and of self.  Even if we’re not aware of it, we reflect on our family and friends, our community, and its role in our lives, and our role in its life.

This time of year marks the beginning of a truly pleasurable time of year.  It’s a time of year that makes us think about our blessings because there’s not much else to do.  In the northern climates, snow keeps us indoors.  In the southern climates, the cooler weather changes what has been to something that must be dealt with.  From this point on, until Spring, our celebrations embrace the closeness that humans feel with other humans.  From Halloween on, we connect to the network that connects us to those things we need to survive and feel whole.  Thanksgiving Day (in America) and those harvest celebrations (in the rest of the world) that bring the family or community together celebrates our recognition of our need for each other.  I may get angry at my sister, but come Thanksgiving, I cook for her and make certain that she does not leave my table hungry.  Christmas, or Solstice, or Chanukah, or whatever you celebrate at that time brings everyone together to remind us that it’s the rough time and it’s time to pool our resources.  When we can’t make it on our own, it’s comforting to know that there is someone out there to help us, or for us to help.  New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day are the same kind of celebration.  They’re designed to bring people together.  To remind them that we’re here for each other.

 The upcoming dark time of the year is a time to rejoice and celebrate.  It’s cold.  I don’t like cold.  I rejoice in the cold because it reminds me that I need others and they need me.  I love the fact that the dark time of the year is ripe with festivals and parties in every culture.  It’s enforced relaxation.  It’s the time that the gods and goddesses make certain that we remember our blessings. 

For us in the Northern Hemisphere, Monday starts that.  It’s Halloween, the beginning of the recognizable dark part of the year.  It’s the time to remember, to reflect, to rejoice, and to hope and dream.  I wish everyone who reads this a special Halloween blessing.  I wish to everyone reading this that as the dark increases, your hope increases.  And as the light decreases, your cares decrease.  I wish for all who read this the blessings of the goddess and of the god.  To all:  Blessings!!

Post # 20 It’s Not About the Sex

There’s so much going on in the world today, that it’s very difficult for me to choose what I’m going to write about.  I’ve already faced the fact that I just suck at journaling or blogging, but I’m going to keep plugging away at it.  As Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbs) once said, “I believe everyone is entitled to my opinion.”  So there will be more activity for a few weeks until other things grab my attention.

The topic today is gay marriage.  This is the topic because I think there are a couple of things that people need to understand about it.

First is the concept of gay marriage.  It’s not really marriage, per se, that I want.  What I want are the legal rights, dignity, and consideration that every other citizen of this country, and of this world get.  A friend once said to me that he agreed in civil unions that were recognized legally and that gave all the same rights and privileges as marriage, but that the purpose of marriage was to raise children and since gays couldn’t do that, why would they want marriage.  So I asked him why he got married.  He replied because he fell in love.  Oh, I see, I said, so the subject of children didn’t really enter into it.  Then I asked him why a civil union that held all the rights and privileges of marriage couldn’t be called marriage.  Why would there have to be something separate but equal for gays?  If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, why call it a moose?  That being said, even if I don’t want a marriage, it’s what it symbolizes that I do want, therefore, I want marriage.  I want to be treated like any other citizen, and I want my quacks to be called quacks.

Second, it’s being shouted in all the political forums right now that same sex marriage is evil and from the devil.  It will pervert our young people and destroy civilization as we know it.  Well, I kind of hope so on that last one.  What people are not considering is that same sex marriage isn’t about sex.  It’s about love.  If I want sex, I can get it anywhere at almost any time.  Sex is one of the most readily available commodities in the world.  There’s a reason why prostitution is called the world’s oldest profession.  Love, on the other hand, is not so easily found.  Some people go their whole lives without finding it.  Thousands of books have been written about the tragedy of finding Love and losing it.  What I want is to not be vilified because the love of my life, my soul mate, happens to be the same sex that I am.

I don’t care who the person you love is as long as you love each other and are happy together.  I want the same to be said of me, without the raised eyebrow.

And someday, I want it to not even be a question.

Post # 19 I'm Baaaack!

Okay, so I'm not the best blogger in the world, and I've never won any prizes for my journalling efforts either.  Loads of changes kept me busy, but I'm back now.  I'm a little wet from Hurricane Irene, my dog broke my left arm, but overall things have been going okay.  I'm ready to start blogging again so look for new posts in the next day or two, in both this one and my food blog.  Take care!

Post # 18 Why Do They Hate Me?

Something is happening in our country and it bothers me a lot.  It makes my insides grow cold.  It stretches from Sarah Palin to the pastor of the church at the top of hill behind my house.  It is prevalent in the state I grew up in, and the state I now live in.  People hate me.  I don’t understand why they hate me because I’ve never done anything to them.  But they hate me just the same, and they want to remove my rights as an American citizen.  They want to take away the protections guaranteed to me by the Constitution.  They want to be able to kill me.

How come?  I’ve never done anything to these people.  They don’t know me.  They don’t know what I stand for.  They don’t know if I’m a good person or a bad person.  They want to be able to make me a non-person.  They want to be able to kill me without knowing me.  They want to be able to say that I can’t work and earn money like they can.  They want to be able to say that if someone hurts me, that person doesn’t have to be punished because I deserved to be hurt.  They want to be able to say that I can’t live in a house or neighborhood that I choose.

I read every day about elected officials who are taking away my rights.  Rights that have already been guaranteed are being revoked.  I don’t understand why they want to do this.  They really hate me.  Because I’m only one person, I can’t stop them.  I have one vote.  That’s all.  Just the one.  Pretty soon, I may not even have that if the officials who were hired to safeguard my rights have their way.  I wonder how that happens, but I can see it happening every single day.  The viciousness and passion of their hatred for me is astounding.

I have a friend who has often told me that anyone who doesn’t like me has a problem.  I’ve never really met someone who didn’t like me, except in grade school but that doesn’t count.  Now, there are many powerful people who hate me.  It’s bewildering.  All I ever did was choose someone to love they didn’t approve of.

One vote.  That’s all I get.  Unless other people help me, I will start losing every right I ever had as a U.S. citizen, and eventually I will die.  Please help because I can’t do it alone.

Post # 17 The Grammar Gestapo

When I started this blog, I really didn’t expect it to turn into a political, anti-Palin rant.  I imagined that it would just be an outlet for me to express whatever was on my mind, good or bad, in an environment that I created.  It’s just that Palin has been pissing me off recently.  There’s lots of stuff that’s got me concerned around the country, and I’ll probably be blogging about those soon.  But today, I want to talk about the way people in America speak.

A few years ago, I was working a project in South Korea, and I was talking to a friend about being gay.  He said that he always knew that I was gay, almost from the moment that he met me.  I was kind of surprised because I know lots of people who still don’t know or guess.  When I asked what gave me away, he said that it was the way I talked; that I pronounce every single syllable of every word.  I withheld my laughter since he was being serious and said, “Because I talk properly, I must be gay?”  And he replied, “Yeah!”

I once replied to a posting on a group that I used to belong to on the internet jokingly correcting someone’s use of the word “baited” instead of “bated”.  He just as jokingly responded with “Oh no!  Another member of the grammar Gestapo!”  Hence the title of this post.  I don’t go around correcting everyone, despite what my friends think.  But I do cringe every time I hear someone use conversational English incorrectly. 

Unfortunately, we are judged by many categories, and one of the quickest and hardest to shake is the way we speak.  If we speak ignorantly, we are judged to be ignorant.  If we continue to speak ignorantly, we continually reinforce that judgment.  As a writer, I will often allow my characters to speak in the vernacular to establish tone and personality.  However, the style of writing is always correct without any grammatical errors (I think) to prove that I’m intelligent and can do the job.

One really good example that I’ve been hearing a lot lately is the word “conversate.”  Did you know that it’s not a real word?  (I’ll get into “real words” in a moment.)  When two people are talking, they are having a conversation.  The physical act of talking is conversing.  Obviously, a conversation is the result of conversing.  You cannot conversate because the word doesn’t exist.

Let’s talk about how words are added to our list of “proper words”.  Take the case of “ain’t”.  Those of us who are older than 40 will remember every adult in the area telling us that “Ain’t ain’t a word!” whenever we used it.  However, through common usage, it became part of the dictionary.  Another word like that is “OK or okay”.  Nobody knows how this word originated, yet it exists in nearly every single language and is almost globally recognized as a word of acceptance.  Another way that a word will enter into common usage is through jargon.  How many computer words are now used in everyday life that at one time were the sole method of communication between techno-geeks?

Finally, I’d like to address people calling me the grammar policeman or other words and phrases to that effect.  Okay, so I correct people when I hear them saying something incorrectly.  But I’d truly appreciate it if they would do the same for me.  I would not get upset or angry.  I would not assume that they are trying to appear superior or more intelligent.  I would assume that they are trying to help me and are concerned that I not sound ignorant or stupid.  I’d probably want to discuss it, and I would certainly research it.  And I would always thank them.

Hope you all have a great day!

Post # 16 Echoes in Arizona

I grew up in Arizona, finished high school there, got my bachelor and master’s degree there.  I lived in Tucson for several months, and had often said that if I ever decided to go back to Arizona (not likely) that Tucson would be the only place I’d consider living.  This weekend’s tragedy struck too close to home, for me and for many people I know.  It resonates across the country, and indeed, the world.  The shooter is remaining silent as to his motives, but speculation runs high.  The most common theme so far is that this is the result of political rhetoric, most of it stemming from the Republican Tea Party and it’s unofficial spokes person, Sarah Palin.

If this is true, it will take a much better writer than myself to express the amount of evil this represents, and the absolute repugnance that rattles in every fiber of my soul.  I’m not pointing a finger at any one person, but at the entire system and how it has devolved from what it is supposed to be.  I’ve seen that many congressmen have been calling out for a cessation of the use of violent words and images in political discussions.

You see, we no longer live in a world where we can take very much for granted.  Particularly, we cannot take for granted our words.  Words are powerful.  Whether they are written or spoken, words carry the potential to create ideas and incite action.  Some people are very good at putting words together in a way that is almost spellbinding.  Others couldn’t make a coherent sentence with a dictionary and a flashlight.  We use our words to convince others that what we believe is correct. 

The problem is that so many people don’t understand that.  They will say the first thing that comes to their mind without thinking about it.  They will start arguments simply because someone disagrees with them, rather than considering what the other person is saying.  The will try to encourage others to believe the same things they believe, rather than allow the others to believe what they choose.

It’s time for everyone, not just those in religion and politics (or bloggers), to understand the impact of words.  Communication is the most important talent we have been given.  To use it unwisely or without thought is a crime.  It all boils down to respecting other people’s ideas and opinions.

Just sayin’ . . .

Post # 15 What Can We Really Do About It?

Last month, a very elegant, courageous, and classy lady passed away after fighting cancer for several years.  She knew she was dying, but rather than whine about it, she sent out messages of strength and peace.  She handled personal adversity with grace and charm, rather than with entitlement.  When the end approached, she faced it bravely.

Several months ago, I visited a couple of friends in Harrisonburg, PA, and that particular weekend just happened to coincide with their town’s gay pride.  They told us a remarkable story about the parade which I’ll share in a moment.

There’s a wonderful movie called To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar starring Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo.  It’s silly fluff, but kinda fun, and totally worth watching to see the three stars dressed in drag and acting as women.  At the end of the movie, Patrick Swayze’s character, Vida, is coming to terms with his life and his two friends are supporting him and calling on him to “Stand up.”

There’s a church whose name rhymes with Testboro who believes it’s their responsibility to protest at the funerals of people whose politics or lifestyles they don’t agree with.  These funerals include those of soldiers killed in battle, politicians, other religious leaders, etc.  Basically, anyone who doesn’t follow their narrow, restrictive religious practices, or who disagrees with them.  They very deliberately choose their targets and their methods and their timing.  I’ve already posted on how reprehensible it is to stage a protest at a funeral where people’s emotions are at their rawest, and their defenses are at their lowest.  I won’t go there now.  But the question remains.  What can we really do about?  This church, and others of their ilk are simply exercising their legal rights to peaceful assembly.

The answer is to stand up.  If you believe in it, stand up for it.

This church declared that they were going to protest at the funeral of Elizabeth Edwards.  I don’t even recall clearly exactly how they justified it, but five members showed up.  Two hundred people showed up to stand in between them and the funeral.  Last veteran’s day, this church decided to stage a protest at a college in DC while congress was voting or discussing something about gay rights.  The students staged their own protest and outnumbered the church members by over 10 to 1.

During the gay rights parade in PA, several local churches decided to line the parade route with protests, banners, signs, and placards.  The local Unitarian church lined the parade route in front of them with banners in support.  The parade was executed without incident or harm on either side.

My answer to What Can We Really Do About It? is an easy one to say, and very difficult to execute.  But it’s a universal answer.  If there’s something you don’t like taking place somewhere and you’re wondering what to do about it, stand up.  Be counted for what you believe.  When people do, change takes place. 

Post # 14 Ms. Palin Again!

One thing I can say truthfully about this woman is that she gives bloggers like me a lot of fuel for our fires.

But first, I need to apologize for the length of time since the last post.  I’ve changed addresses, gone through the holidays, lost a computer, been sick a couple of times, nursed my household through a couple of illnesses, and generally stayed very busy.  Right now, the holidays are over, I’m working on a netbook which is quirky to say the least, everyone is healthy, and I’m working on time management skills to meet several goals for the upcoming year.  Yay!

Back to La Sarah.

Who in the world can say what is in this woman’s mind?  Did you know that she had a reality show on TLC?  I never watched it, but a very good friend did and her exact words were “What a moron!”  I read that it was mostly a thinly veiled campaign stunt.  She has also made the comment that she would only run for the Presidency if no one else wanted to.  I promised to run just so she wouldn’t.

Mostly, though, I stand in stunned disbelief as I watch the double standard she applies to the world and to her family.  She truly believes that it’s okay for her family to behave in the exact ways that she condemns in the rest of the world.  Her daughter Willow tweeted a vile bullying message and used the word “faggot” to describe someone.  Rather than try to use the incident as an opportunity to teach her daughter restraint, maturity, discretion, or any of a number of other virtues, Sarah simply said, “It’s okay because she felt her family was being attacked.”  But it’s okay for Willow to attack someone else?  That doesn’t sound right.  And what happens IF she’s elected President?  We start nuclear war because someone said something bad about her family?  That’s a little scary.

Just the other day, Kathy Griffin said she was now out to get Willow Palin for using the F-word.  Kathy’s exact words were reported as “No one uses the F-word and doesn’t hear about it from me!  I’m taking her down.”  Okay, Kathy G is in her 40s, and Willow is 16.  Doesn’t sound right to me.  Willow hasn’t repeated the offensive behavior (at least it hasn’t be reported that she has) and the assumption is that possibly her parents handled the situation, for good or ill.  What right does Kathy G have to “go after” Willow?  Kathy sounds more like a bully than a concerned citizen.  And as a gay man in today’s society, I’d rather not be defended by someone who’s using the same tactics as those trying to oppress me.

Just sayin’.