Post # 13 Kissing is WRONG!

Okay, one more rant for the night.  I just heard about this one.

Two women were ejected from a Baltimore Ravens game a few weeks ago because it was alleged that they had stolen beer from a concession stand.  Even after they had proved that they had paid for everything they had, and a police officer backed them up, the security guards still ejected them.  Then only reason given, according to the women, was that they were being obscene.   What were they doing?

They were kissing each other.

While they were waiting for their order of fries to be cooked, they stood away from the concession stand and had their arms around each other, and (per their story) occasionally kissed each other, as many other straight couples were doing.

I wasn’t there, so I don’t know what was happening or not happening.  But I do know this:  When gay couples are doing the same thing that straight couples are doing, people resent it.  A LOT!!

I tend to get lulled into a sense of complacency at times.  Just because things in my life are going well, and that all the people I know accept me and my values, then that’s what is happening everywhere.  That isn’t the case, and stories like these make me realize that it isn’t easy for everyone who isn’t me.  Hell, it isn’t that easy for people who live in my house!

And I wonder what it’s going to take for everyone to feel as secure as I do (at times) not only in my house, but in my state (where what I do is still against the law), and in my country, and on my planet.

Remember, Love is Louder!

Post # 12 Ellen vs Perez

On the Ellen show today, Perez Hilton promised to stop being mean-spirited and bullying on his web site.  It seemed to come as a surprise to him that anyone considered his work in those terms.  I’m adopting a wait-and-see attitude.  I don’t trust him, yet.

For those who don’t know him, he’s a gay man who about 7 or 8 years ago developed a web site to report on the world of celebrity.  What he actually did was gossip, out people who preferred to remain private, insult, belittle, and generally mislead with rumor, innuendo, and, sometimes, outright lies.  As you can tell, I’m not a fan.  I visited his web site once and vowed never again.

I AM a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres.  I think she is one classy lady who has met and overcome the challenges she’s faced with grace, wit, and charm.  She makes every single guest feel special and like family.  She didn’t make him feel that way.  (There is a link to the entire interview below if you’d like to watch it.)

Perez Hilton made it his job to decide who should be out whether or not that person wanted to be out, or whether or not that person was really gay.  He also made it his job to be as nasty as possible to anyone he didn’t like or who had the temerity to disagree with him.  He is the worst of Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons by a factor of ten.  He has the power of the media coupled with a foul mouth and sarcastic wit.

It was a fascinating juxtaposition to watch Ellen and Perez talk.  To watch her elegance and brand of humor facing his was enlightening.  He was totally outclassed, and it looked like he recognized it.  At one point he was trying to be glib and say that he wanted his web site to continue to be sassy, and she called him out about it, saying that it worried her because there was still the potential to be mean.

The reason I’m blogging about this is because we have two personalities here.  One is trying to solve the problem, and one actually helped create the problem.  Although it sounds small, I can’t help but wonder if PH is jumping on the bandwagon.  He said the reason he was changing was because he was surprised that so many people considered him a bully and part of the problem.  How could any reasonable person who was honest with themselves not know this?  How could anyone think that what he wrote could ever be taken in the spirit of “fun”?  I’m not saying that a person can’t be honest and say what they think.  That’s what I’m doing here, and what everyone blogger does.  But there are ways to do that without making the people you’re talking about feel insignificant.

So that’s why I say I’m going to wait and see.  Talk is cheap, action speaks.

Remember, Lover is Louder!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?=iUNaRg_AQ10

Post # 11 First Amendment Rights, Part 2

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

In case anyone was asleep, the Supreme Court of the United States is adjudicating a case wherein the father of a fallen soldier is suing the Westboro Baptist Church for protesting at his son’s funeral.  Without going into how vile and reprehensible it is to protest any funeral, much less the funeral of a soldier who fell defending our country, there are some things I need to prepare everyone for.

Once, I thought that the only conclusion to be reached in this case was for the church.  They were exercising their right to freedom of speech, and the free exercise of their religion.  But there’s another clause in the amendment that causes the argument to go another direction.

Did they assemble peaceably?  Or was their intent to provoke or incite to riot?  In nearly every jurisdiction, the incitement to riot is not an excuse to actually riot, but that selfsame incitement is against the law.  So, the question then becomes, what did they intend to do?  What did this church hope to gain from this?  Did they act peaceably?   Did they act responsibly?

I could go into a huge discussion about how a church is “supposed” to act and what they’re “supposed” to believe and to preach.  That just comes down to opinion and how I was raised versus how they were raised.  It’s a no win discussion.

I’m going to follow this closely to see how it turns out.

Post # 10 Love is Louder

Love is Louder

When Hate shouts that the color of your skin matters

Remember that Love is Louder

When Hate cries that you’re too innocent to vote

Remember that Love is Louder

When Hate says that it’s really love but it hates

Remember that Love is Louder

When Hate says that who you love makes you wrong

Remember that Love is Louder

When Hate beats you down so you can no longer see up

Remember that Love is Louder

When Hate makes you want to give up and give in

Remember that Love is Louder

Love is Louder than all bullies

Love is Louder than all the quiet lonely nights

Love is Louder than all the hate

Love is Louder

Post # 9 - You Big Bully!

A young boy, just 13 years old, who once lived in California, died yesterday from injuries sustained when he hung himself from a tree in his back yard.  Last week, another 13 year old shot himself in the head and died in Texas.  Earlier this month, a 15 year old from Indiana killed himself.  Recently, an 11 year old boy’s arm was broken because he wanted to be on the cheerleading squad of his school.  The reason in all these cases was the same one: bullying.

The three suicides were all gay related.  The bullying occurred because the boys were gay.  The 11 year old was targeted because he wanted to cheer instead of play football.  At the core, the reason is still the same.  These boys were targeted because they were different.  These all happened just this month.  These are just the incidents I know about because I paid attention to internet news sources.  I can only imagine how many other cases there are that I don’t know about.

Where is this behavior learned?  Much as is pains me to say this, I have to put the responsibility on the parents.  Parents aren’t parenting anymore.  I don’t want to go into reasons for that because there are many valid reasons.  So kids are learning wherever they can, and what they’re learning is that bad behavior gets rewarded.

TV is rife with programs that show people young and old displaying bullying behavior with little or no consequences.  When kids see these images day after day, they have to wonder why they can’t benefit as well.  When parents display bullying behavior in front of their kids, what are the kids to learn?

Years ago, I used to work in a retail sales position, managing a sales force of about a dozen people.  Our return policy was clearly stated on the receipts as well as discussed with every sale.  A woman came in several months after Christmas to return an item for a full refund.  She became loud and abusive and after several minutes, I decided not to deal with it anymore and allowed her to return the item.  I asked her to step into my back office.  I allowed my irritation to show as I explained to her that the only reason she was getting the refund was because she knew as well as I did that the more abusive she became, the more likely she would get the refund.  I told her that she knew she didn’t deserve the refund, but was getting it due to her bad behavior and asked her what kind of message that taught her son.  

If the problem stayed in just one area, it would be manageable, but it permeates all areas of our society.  When was the last time you heard about bullying behavior at a Little League game?  For me, it was today.  When was the last time you yourself spoke heatedly to a waitress/waiter?  The problem is everywhere, young and old alike.  Adults are not immune from this.  Nearly every single “reality” TV show is based on temper tantrums.

I read about two incidents today with which I will close this entry.  The first has to do with the State Asst Attorney General of Michigan.  He disagrees with the sexuality of the President of the Student Body so he started a blog on his personal time and has been cyber-bullying this young man.  He stands outside the young man’s house and video tapes him.  He follows this young man around and shouts.  He posts pictures of this young man on his blog with words like “Nazi” and “Satan’s Representative” written on them.  When questioned about it, he says that he’s merely exercising his first amendment right to free speech.  He’s making this other person’s life miserable and sees nothing wrong with what he’s doing.  The second has to do with a Rutgers University student who killed himself after two dorm mates secretly taped him having sex and put the video on the internet.  In this case, the two students have been brought up on charges, and in many of the cases that I’ve cited, the miscreants are being counseled.

My question is: are they learning?  Are WE learning?  What can we do to make certain that the bullying and bad behaviors will stop killing our kids?

Post # 8 - Coach coaches Lifestyles

There’s a coach in Kentucky who coaches girl’s basketball team.  In that endeavor, he believes that it is his responsibility and his right to coach the girls in their life choices.  He has stated publicly many times that he teaches these girls that the sports life they are following will endeavor to teach them that they must be “homosexual” and “promiscuous” and that this is wrong.

He’s also teaching them that his religion, and only his religion, is the right way to God and that they must follow that faith and denounce the “homosexual lifestyle” to be free to pursue sports and the sporting lifestyle.  Otherwise, they will be separated from God and spend eternity in Hell.

So, the first thing I gotta say about this is this:  He’s a coach in a public high school that’s funded by state government funding.  He’s not allowed to proselytize his personal agenda, or amass disciples to his cause.  He’s allowed to coach basketball and make those girls into the best athletes they can be regardless of their personal choices.

The second thing I gotta say is: If so many people know about this pattern of behavior that it’s been reported on a national news service, why hasn’t he been counseled?

Any time that our society allows an individual to forward his/her own agenda in the name of religion while in a public/elected forum, we have entered that slippery slope where definitions of what is proper and correct are blurred and things such as the KKK and Nazism can flourish.  Both those organizations needed only a single scapegoat to be successful (blacks and Jews.) 

Some may think that I’m being a little paranoid, but if we turned the tables and said that any man who was married to a woman should be put to death, what would they think?  And if we allowed our teachers, coaches, preachers, principals, police officers, and other elected officials to behave the same way, where would our society be?

I’ve said this before, and I’ll continue saying it until my tongue turns blue and falls off.

ANY PERSON IN AN OFFICIAL PUBLIC OFFICE (FROM THE PRESIDENT TO THE LOCAL DOG CATCHER) MUST BEHAVE IN THE ACCORDANCE OF THEIR CONSTITUENTS AND NOT THEIR PERSONAL BELEIFS.

I will shout this from the rooftops if needed.

Finally, I cannot believe the amount of arrogance this man has to assume that his personal belief system is correct for every single person on this planet.  When I was studying to be a minister, I was taught (thankfully and blessedly) that it was my responsibility to present the options and that it was up to the individuals to decide what they were going to do.  End of story. 

Thank you.

Post # 7 - The Burning Question, Ashes After

Okay, so the leader of the church has backed down, and there will be no burning of the Quran on Saturday.  I don't know what prompted his decision to cancel the event, and I don't really care.  But I can say that I'm very proud of our country at this point.

In all the rhetoric, speech-making, protesting, and repudiation, from what I saw, there was no hint or suggestion that it wasn't his right to hold this event.  No government agency stood tall and intimidating and said, "No!  You won't do this!"  Several high ranking officials did communicate with the church leader and expressed their concerns with the impact of the message he was sending, but none of them told him that he couldn't do it.

We have an amazing country where the entire world can be against a legal act be committed by one of our citizens, and all our national leaders support that citizen's right to commit that act.  They also supported that citizen's right to deal with the aftermath of the act which were going to be plentiful.

My own response to all this has been mixed.  I find the message he was trying to send to be reprehensible.  I'm disgusted by the rationale he used to justify the whole scheme.  It was a grand-stand stunt to incur attention to himself, and he hid behind religion until he couldn't any longer.  I cannot call him a pastor or reverend because I don't believe he deserves those common religious honorifics based on his behavior.  I can call him a leader in that he did lead people, albeit down a wrong path.  But I cannot respect him.

At the same time, I cannot deny him the right to make an ass out of himself when he chooses to.

Post #6 – The Burning Question

Okay, so a church in Gainesville, FL wants to burn the holy book from another religion and has started a firestorm (pun intended and no apologies) of controversy that’s gone as high as the White House. Leaders both political and religious worldwide have condemned the plan, and some have promised retaliatory actions against Americans and American troops. Not bad for a tiny church of less than 100 members.

The pastor of the church continues to say that they believe that God has told them to do this, and that their message can be pinpointed to a very select few from a global religion that reveres the book to be burned. I don’t know why we’re even trying to talk to him. Religious fervor never listens to reason. It never has no matter what religion is being discussed, or what wisdom is being imparted.

Why are we trying to reason with him? In the slim hope that at some point before the bonfire, he’ll understand that the message he’s sending from a church dedicated to “love” is all about “hate.” Also, so the rest of the world will know that in our country, individuals are allowed to express themselves in peaceful ways, don’t need their country’s permission, and that the elected officials do not stand behind that expression. America is truly free.

One thing that I read today on CNN.com is worth noting. The municipality where this church resides did not issue a burn permit for the bonfire. I don’t know the reasons for it, but the fact stands. If they persist in the book burning, they will be breaking the ordinance and can be stopped. Unfortunately, the law can’t act until the law is broken, so they must wait until the bonfire takes place. I anticipate that the church will claim religious persecution, but with the total record of facts being in the public eye, I don’t think that will earn them any points, if they decide to raise it.

Saturday will certainly be an interesting day.


9/9/10 5:10pm  UPDATE
CNN just reported that the leader of this church has cancelled the event.  Everyone from the Pope on down (including the head of Interpol and several more political world leaders) had issued statements repudiating the event.  Maybe that had an impact.  Who knows?

Post # 5 - Boycott Yay or Nay?

If BloggerJoe Jumped Off A Bridge Would You?


I’ve wanted to write this post for a long time. I originally was going to post about the Target boycott that’s gaining an amazing grass roots following among the GLBT community. And I’ll probably write about that soon. But for this post, I want to talk about the whole boycott issue.

I wanted to write about it because suddenly everyone in the community is talking about it. Whenever anyone shows any kind of opposition to the gay community, it’s an almost knee-jerk reaction. We have to boycott that person, or what that person stands for, or that person’s business. Pretty soon we won’t have any place to shop on either a national or local level.

I just read about a company in Baton Rouge which sells granite for counter tops, etc. whose owner asked a male couple if they were gay while they were in his store. When they confirmed it, he told them to leave, that this company didn’t serve “their kind” and didn’t agree their lifestyle. The couple left, but things escalated from there. I don’t want to go into details about it. Maybe in another post. However, reading all the comments left on the article, I noted that for the people in that area, it’s all about boycott. Bring the business to its knees. They’re calling on gay people from around the world to email this company with their own displeasure. The company has already had to shut down its FaceBook page due to the number of hits.

Boycotting a business or entity (political or professional) is a completely viable tool. The most famous (or infamous, depending on your viewpoint) in recent history took place in Alabama when a disgruntled populace refused to ride on the buses and brought the company to the brink of economic disaster. They won the right to sit wherever they chose, and set an example for the world to follow in becoming united behind a cause. Boycotting can be an amazingly effective way to get a point across in a voluntary, non-violent manner. It can be something very organized, or no real organization except something people want to do. Boycotting has a vast and varied history, mostly successful, throughout the world.

But is it the right answer to every problem facing the gay community? It was reported about six months ago that the GLBT community wields an economic club that managed to surprise us all, number over $780 billion (yes billion) in just the U.S. alone. If every gay person chose to withhold their portion of that club from any single business or entity, the impact would certainly be felt. On a national level, though, does Target deserve to be boycotted for donating to a political campaign which was local? Does a local granite seller deserve to be boycotted and castigated on a national level?

I don’t have an answer for those questions, except to say that I know what I’m going to do and why. I believe that’s the answer for anyone. They have to look at the issue(s) and decide for themselves. Because that’s one of the things that makes a boycott successful: the trait of people to jump on the bandwagon because so many others do it. It’s a basic human trait to do what other people are doing just because so many others are doing it.

What I would suggest that everyone do when presented with the option to boycott, or write a letter, or back a candidate, or anything else that will commit them to a cause, act, religion, or lifestyle, is get all the information you can. Make sure that the source of the information is one that you trust. Get both sides of the issue, and think long and hard about it. Then make the decision that’s right for you and your family.

It’s the only way to know when you “jump off the bridge” that you’re doing the right thing.

Post #4 - The Fallen Soldier

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?
I think that anyone who protests at the funeral of a fallen soldier has obviously never ever had to endure the trauma of watching a loved one die. Period. I think that anyone who protests at the funeral of a fallen soldier should be punished in some way that I cannot as yet figure out, but that punishment should be immediate, harsh, and unrelenting. I think that anyone who protests at the funeral of a fallen soldier should be made to understand not the pain and sensibilities of the family who are burying their loved one, but also the pain and sensibilities of that person who fell defending their country, thereby giving all citizens the right to protest at their funeral. I think that anyone who protests at the funeral of a fallen soldier should be punished in some way that I have not yet envisioned, that will make them understand the pure sacrifice, the pure honor, the purity of the soul which has died in the defense of our country which allows the protests, so that the protests will end, and understanding and acceptance can start.

I honor that fallen soldier and their families and wish there was something more that I could do besides write in a silly blog.

Post #3 - First Amendment Rights, pt 1

Amendment I


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.



The exact text for the first amendment to the constitution of the United States appears above. It is the first section of the Bill of Rights. These are rights guaranteed to all legal residents of the United States. If the purveyors of a mosque can get the funds, permits, and backing to erect a center or mosque or whatever else it’s going to be called near ground zero, they absolutely have that right. If a church in Florida wants to burn the holy book of another religion, they have that right. If the President of the United States follows a religion other than the one followed by the majority of American, that’s his right.

I don’t understand why everyone is getting so worked up over this.

The people who are responsible for the attacks on September 11, 2001 are not the people who are erecting a place of worship near ground zero. Can we please get a reality check here?

I recognize the sensitivities of the people involved. And I agree that putting up this mosque might be ill-advised. Fanning the flames of hatred is also ill-advised. Is anyone else as tired of this as I am?

Our country was founded on the basis of basic freedoms guaranteed to us through our constitution. It’s been a long journey to get those basic freedoms applied across the board to all people. We still have a ways to go. Let’s not make this harder than it has to be.

Post # 2 - Dr. Laura Resigns!

In case anyone has missed it, Dr. Laura Schlessinger has decided to retire at the end of her current contract which expires in October. Her stated reason is that she wants to regain her first amendment rights. This stems from an incident from last week on her radio show wherein she used the “n-word” several times in speaking to a client. The gist of the conversation is that the woman caller was in a racially mixed marriage and objected to the bigotry exhibited by some of her husband’s friends. Dr. L told her not to be thin skinned and since she was in a racially mixed relationship that she should expect some of that kind of thing. Then Dr. L went on to inquire why it was acceptable for black people to use the “n-word” but not for other races to use it. Dr. L proceeded to say the word several times during the next few sentences. (A full transcript of the call can be obtained via a simple Google search.) I’m simplifying things for the purposes of this blog, but those are the salient points of the conversation. As you can imagine, reaction was mixed and violent.


I’m torn between two opinions on this one. My first response is to shout “GOOD!!!!” and “Don’t let the door slam your butt on the way out!” and “Let me help you clear your desk and carry the boxes.” (Remind me to tell you that story some day.) My second response is closer to hers. She should be allowed to say what she thinks without being nailed to the wall.

I used to listen to her radio talk show several years ago and while I didn’t agree with her politics or basic life philosophies, I did recognize that about 85% of the time she gave sensible advice to confused people. See, people have a choice in whether or not they call her, and whether or not they take her advice. She’s certain that the advice that she’s giving is correct, and has the credentials to back up what she’s saying, for the most part. So, in that respect, I have to sympathize with her.

Now it’s time for the other shoe to drop. She wants to regain her first amendment rights. Well, she never lost them. She has the right to say whatever she wants to, and she must also face the results of that right. Same as I have to, same as everyone has to. Also, it has long been argued in court that the freedom of speech does not give people the right to yell “Fire” in a crowded theatre. Incitement to riot is against the law. As an accredited doctor in a public forum, she has the responsibility to make certain to the best of her ability that what she is saying is true and not inflammatory. When she starts spouting her personal agenda and trying to apply it to the lives of other people, she should expect that some people are going to disagree and react.
In many ways, she’s an arrogant person. She honestly believes that she’s right about everything that she says and it leaves no room for discussion or for learning. That’s where I have the biggest problem with Dr. L and almost anyone else of that ilk. Arrogance won’t let you learn. And there’s no human being ever who knew everything there was to know.

Let me know what you think!

Post #1: Introduction

Hi!  My name is BloggerJoe.  I live in the Northern VA area.  Around here, we call it NOVA.  Anytime you read NOVA in my blog, I'm talking about the area south of Washington, D.C.  I actually live about thirty-five miles south of DC.  I'm a gay man in my early 50's living with my partner of three years.  I came out very late in life, but luckily managed to find my soul mate after only a couple of years of searching.

I am currently a writer by profession, although for most of my life I worked with computers.  I've worked in many different venues from small retail establishments, to large retail establishments, to small military bases, to large government departments.  I have been fortunate to be able to travel all over the world and learned many things in the process.

I grew up in a small town in the Arizona desert.  It was probably the best place to grow up.  We didn't lock our doors at night ever.  I'm not certain that my family does even now.  I was fairly religious as I was growing up, but that has evolved over time.  I now consider myself very spiritual, but not very religious.  I'm very nature-centered in my spiritual observances.  And a heck of a lot more tolerant now than I was in my teens.

I have a huge list of "hobbies", areas of interest, but the three that are at the top are reading/writing, cooking, and bicycling.  As I mentioned earlier, I live with two cocker spaniels.  I've had a cocker spaniel in my life since I was in my late twenties.  It all goes back to Disney's "Lady and the Tramp."  If you follow my posts, you'll be hearing a lot about my guys.  And probably see a picture or two.  My dogs have taught me a lot of important things and these will be the subject of some of my posts later on.

My main purpose in this blog is to Speak Out.  I came out very late in life, in my late 40s.  It took me a couple of years to figure out the "lifestyle", but I've got a handle on things now.  I have more time to Speak Out since I'm no longer the rat running after the cheese, and I find that I have things to say that are important to me.  Some of it will be about religion; some of it will be about politics; some of it will be about relationships; but all of it will be about me and how I define myself.

I hope you come back for a visit.  I hope to make this enjoyable.  I want to hear from everyone about everything.  This whole blog is about my opinion, and I hope you'll give me the benefit of yours.

Enjoy!

Couldn't resist.  This is Jack and Dusty, otherwise known as Da Boys.  Dusty is the golden one with his head on Jack's back legs.  They are both rescue dogs from our local chapter of the cocker spaniel resuce league.  This was taken just a few days ago during a thunderstorm.  You can tell that they couldn't have cared less about what was going on outside.