A young boy, just 13 years old, who once lived in California, died yesterday from injuries sustained when he hung himself from a tree in his back yard. Last week, another 13 year old shot himself in the head and died in Texas. Earlier this month, a 15 year old from Indiana killed himself. Recently, an 11 year old boy’s arm was broken because he wanted to be on the cheerleading squad of his school. The reason in all these cases was the same one: bullying.
The three suicides were all gay related. The bullying occurred because the boys were gay. The 11 year old was targeted because he wanted to cheer instead of play football. At the core, the reason is still the same. These boys were targeted because they were different. These all happened just this month. These are just the incidents I know about because I paid attention to internet news sources. I can only imagine how many other cases there are that I don’t know about.
Where is this behavior learned? Much as is pains me to say this, I have to put the responsibility on the parents. Parents aren’t parenting anymore. I don’t want to go into reasons for that because there are many valid reasons. So kids are learning wherever they can, and what they’re learning is that bad behavior gets rewarded.
TV is rife with programs that show people young and old displaying bullying behavior with little or no consequences. When kids see these images day after day, they have to wonder why they can’t benefit as well. When parents display bullying behavior in front of their kids, what are the kids to learn?
Years ago, I used to work in a retail sales position, managing a sales force of about a dozen people. Our return policy was clearly stated on the receipts as well as discussed with every sale. A woman came in several months after Christmas to return an item for a full refund. She became loud and abusive and after several minutes, I decided not to deal with it anymore and allowed her to return the item. I asked her to step into my back office. I allowed my irritation to show as I explained to her that the only reason she was getting the refund was because she knew as well as I did that the more abusive she became, the more likely she would get the refund. I told her that she knew she didn’t deserve the refund, but was getting it due to her bad behavior and asked her what kind of message that taught her son.
If the problem stayed in just one area, it would be manageable, but it permeates all areas of our society. When was the last time you heard about bullying behavior at a Little League game? For me, it was today. When was the last time you yourself spoke heatedly to a waitress/waiter? The problem is everywhere, young and old alike. Adults are not immune from this. Nearly every single “reality” TV show is based on temper tantrums.
I read about two incidents today with which I will close this entry. The first has to do with the State Asst Attorney General of Michigan. He disagrees with the sexuality of the President of the Student Body so he started a blog on his personal time and has been cyber-bullying this young man. He stands outside the young man’s house and video tapes him. He follows this young man around and shouts. He posts pictures of this young man on his blog with words like “Nazi” and “Satan’s Representative” written on them. When questioned about it, he says that he’s merely exercising his first amendment right to free speech. He’s making this other person’s life miserable and sees nothing wrong with what he’s doing. The second has to do with a Rutgers University student who killed himself after two dorm mates secretly taped him having sex and put the video on the internet. In this case, the two students have been brought up on charges, and in many of the cases that I’ve cited, the miscreants are being counseled.
My question is: are they learning? Are WE learning? What can we do to make certain that the bullying and bad behaviors will stop killing our kids?
1 comment:
I completely agree, it almost exclusively goes back to the parents. I stress *almost* just because personality and free will play a part. But, I'd give 90% to how people are raised.
For example, my nephews have (from a very early age) been very interested in movies and video games that involve war and other violence. BUT, they know the difference between reality and fiction. They are very non-violent, and opposed to war. Because of good parenting, they're good, well adjusted young men.
That's why I don't buy it when people and/or the media blame movies, games, or the internet for kids' bad behavior. Sure, they're influential, but influences have ALWAYS been there. It's up to parents to teach their kids the difference between right and wrong.
As for the tail end of your blog...sure, we have Constitutional rights, but with those rights come responsibilities. Like the old cliche' about shouting "FIRE" in a crowded theatre, having the "right" to say or do something doesn't necessarily make it okay. It seems to me that Attorney General should be prosecuted for stalking and cyber-bullying, among other things.
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