Post # 9 - You Big Bully!

A young boy, just 13 years old, who once lived in California, died yesterday from injuries sustained when he hung himself from a tree in his back yard.  Last week, another 13 year old shot himself in the head and died in Texas.  Earlier this month, a 15 year old from Indiana killed himself.  Recently, an 11 year old boy’s arm was broken because he wanted to be on the cheerleading squad of his school.  The reason in all these cases was the same one: bullying.

The three suicides were all gay related.  The bullying occurred because the boys were gay.  The 11 year old was targeted because he wanted to cheer instead of play football.  At the core, the reason is still the same.  These boys were targeted because they were different.  These all happened just this month.  These are just the incidents I know about because I paid attention to internet news sources.  I can only imagine how many other cases there are that I don’t know about.

Where is this behavior learned?  Much as is pains me to say this, I have to put the responsibility on the parents.  Parents aren’t parenting anymore.  I don’t want to go into reasons for that because there are many valid reasons.  So kids are learning wherever they can, and what they’re learning is that bad behavior gets rewarded.

TV is rife with programs that show people young and old displaying bullying behavior with little or no consequences.  When kids see these images day after day, they have to wonder why they can’t benefit as well.  When parents display bullying behavior in front of their kids, what are the kids to learn?

Years ago, I used to work in a retail sales position, managing a sales force of about a dozen people.  Our return policy was clearly stated on the receipts as well as discussed with every sale.  A woman came in several months after Christmas to return an item for a full refund.  She became loud and abusive and after several minutes, I decided not to deal with it anymore and allowed her to return the item.  I asked her to step into my back office.  I allowed my irritation to show as I explained to her that the only reason she was getting the refund was because she knew as well as I did that the more abusive she became, the more likely she would get the refund.  I told her that she knew she didn’t deserve the refund, but was getting it due to her bad behavior and asked her what kind of message that taught her son.  

If the problem stayed in just one area, it would be manageable, but it permeates all areas of our society.  When was the last time you heard about bullying behavior at a Little League game?  For me, it was today.  When was the last time you yourself spoke heatedly to a waitress/waiter?  The problem is everywhere, young and old alike.  Adults are not immune from this.  Nearly every single “reality” TV show is based on temper tantrums.

I read about two incidents today with which I will close this entry.  The first has to do with the State Asst Attorney General of Michigan.  He disagrees with the sexuality of the President of the Student Body so he started a blog on his personal time and has been cyber-bullying this young man.  He stands outside the young man’s house and video tapes him.  He follows this young man around and shouts.  He posts pictures of this young man on his blog with words like “Nazi” and “Satan’s Representative” written on them.  When questioned about it, he says that he’s merely exercising his first amendment right to free speech.  He’s making this other person’s life miserable and sees nothing wrong with what he’s doing.  The second has to do with a Rutgers University student who killed himself after two dorm mates secretly taped him having sex and put the video on the internet.  In this case, the two students have been brought up on charges, and in many of the cases that I’ve cited, the miscreants are being counseled.

My question is: are they learning?  Are WE learning?  What can we do to make certain that the bullying and bad behaviors will stop killing our kids?

Post # 8 - Coach coaches Lifestyles

There’s a coach in Kentucky who coaches girl’s basketball team.  In that endeavor, he believes that it is his responsibility and his right to coach the girls in their life choices.  He has stated publicly many times that he teaches these girls that the sports life they are following will endeavor to teach them that they must be “homosexual” and “promiscuous” and that this is wrong.

He’s also teaching them that his religion, and only his religion, is the right way to God and that they must follow that faith and denounce the “homosexual lifestyle” to be free to pursue sports and the sporting lifestyle.  Otherwise, they will be separated from God and spend eternity in Hell.

So, the first thing I gotta say about this is this:  He’s a coach in a public high school that’s funded by state government funding.  He’s not allowed to proselytize his personal agenda, or amass disciples to his cause.  He’s allowed to coach basketball and make those girls into the best athletes they can be regardless of their personal choices.

The second thing I gotta say is: If so many people know about this pattern of behavior that it’s been reported on a national news service, why hasn’t he been counseled?

Any time that our society allows an individual to forward his/her own agenda in the name of religion while in a public/elected forum, we have entered that slippery slope where definitions of what is proper and correct are blurred and things such as the KKK and Nazism can flourish.  Both those organizations needed only a single scapegoat to be successful (blacks and Jews.) 

Some may think that I’m being a little paranoid, but if we turned the tables and said that any man who was married to a woman should be put to death, what would they think?  And if we allowed our teachers, coaches, preachers, principals, police officers, and other elected officials to behave the same way, where would our society be?

I’ve said this before, and I’ll continue saying it until my tongue turns blue and falls off.

ANY PERSON IN AN OFFICIAL PUBLIC OFFICE (FROM THE PRESIDENT TO THE LOCAL DOG CATCHER) MUST BEHAVE IN THE ACCORDANCE OF THEIR CONSTITUENTS AND NOT THEIR PERSONAL BELEIFS.

I will shout this from the rooftops if needed.

Finally, I cannot believe the amount of arrogance this man has to assume that his personal belief system is correct for every single person on this planet.  When I was studying to be a minister, I was taught (thankfully and blessedly) that it was my responsibility to present the options and that it was up to the individuals to decide what they were going to do.  End of story. 

Thank you.

Post # 7 - The Burning Question, Ashes After

Okay, so the leader of the church has backed down, and there will be no burning of the Quran on Saturday.  I don't know what prompted his decision to cancel the event, and I don't really care.  But I can say that I'm very proud of our country at this point.

In all the rhetoric, speech-making, protesting, and repudiation, from what I saw, there was no hint or suggestion that it wasn't his right to hold this event.  No government agency stood tall and intimidating and said, "No!  You won't do this!"  Several high ranking officials did communicate with the church leader and expressed their concerns with the impact of the message he was sending, but none of them told him that he couldn't do it.

We have an amazing country where the entire world can be against a legal act be committed by one of our citizens, and all our national leaders support that citizen's right to commit that act.  They also supported that citizen's right to deal with the aftermath of the act which were going to be plentiful.

My own response to all this has been mixed.  I find the message he was trying to send to be reprehensible.  I'm disgusted by the rationale he used to justify the whole scheme.  It was a grand-stand stunt to incur attention to himself, and he hid behind religion until he couldn't any longer.  I cannot call him a pastor or reverend because I don't believe he deserves those common religious honorifics based on his behavior.  I can call him a leader in that he did lead people, albeit down a wrong path.  But I cannot respect him.

At the same time, I cannot deny him the right to make an ass out of himself when he chooses to.

Post #6 – The Burning Question

Okay, so a church in Gainesville, FL wants to burn the holy book from another religion and has started a firestorm (pun intended and no apologies) of controversy that’s gone as high as the White House. Leaders both political and religious worldwide have condemned the plan, and some have promised retaliatory actions against Americans and American troops. Not bad for a tiny church of less than 100 members.

The pastor of the church continues to say that they believe that God has told them to do this, and that their message can be pinpointed to a very select few from a global religion that reveres the book to be burned. I don’t know why we’re even trying to talk to him. Religious fervor never listens to reason. It never has no matter what religion is being discussed, or what wisdom is being imparted.

Why are we trying to reason with him? In the slim hope that at some point before the bonfire, he’ll understand that the message he’s sending from a church dedicated to “love” is all about “hate.” Also, so the rest of the world will know that in our country, individuals are allowed to express themselves in peaceful ways, don’t need their country’s permission, and that the elected officials do not stand behind that expression. America is truly free.

One thing that I read today on CNN.com is worth noting. The municipality where this church resides did not issue a burn permit for the bonfire. I don’t know the reasons for it, but the fact stands. If they persist in the book burning, they will be breaking the ordinance and can be stopped. Unfortunately, the law can’t act until the law is broken, so they must wait until the bonfire takes place. I anticipate that the church will claim religious persecution, but with the total record of facts being in the public eye, I don’t think that will earn them any points, if they decide to raise it.

Saturday will certainly be an interesting day.


9/9/10 5:10pm  UPDATE
CNN just reported that the leader of this church has cancelled the event.  Everyone from the Pope on down (including the head of Interpol and several more political world leaders) had issued statements repudiating the event.  Maybe that had an impact.  Who knows?